|
|
"I don't wanna shoot myself, honest!"
| | |
I'm still completely lost when it comes to playing with these things. Wish I knew how to make the place more interesting. Well I have another homepage at: http//roswell.fortunecity.com/aroma/369/hompage/html I hope you'll find the time to visit it.
I'm looking for good jokes and interesting things for my homepage. If you've got any don't forget to mail me.
|
|
|
|
"The names Bond, James Bond."
| | |
This is where my bad jokes come in, but do have some laughs.
An elephant is walking through the jungle when she gets a thorn in her foot. She is in absolute agony until an ant strolls by. So the elephant says, "Help me, help me."
But the ant refuses unless the elephants agrees to let the ant have his wicked way with her. Replys the elephant, "Anything! Anything!" So, out comes the thorn and up gets the ant and proceeds to enjoy himself.
Meanwhile, in a tree directly above them, a monkey, who witnessed the whole episode, was in knots of laughter. Consequently he fell out of the tree on top of the elephant.
Says the elephant: "Ouch!"
Says the ant, in his own little frenzy: "Suffer BITCH, SUFFER!!!"
Every nation has to write a book about the Elephant:
The French book - The Sex Life of the Elephant
or: 1000 ways to cook Elephant
The English book - Elephants I have shot on Safari
The Welsh book - The Elephant and its influence on Welsh language and culture
or: Oes ysgol tocynnau eleffant llanfairpwll nhadau coeden.
The American book - How to Make Bigger And Better Elephants
The Japanese book - How to Make Smaller And Cheaper Elephants
The Greek book - How to Sell Elephants for a Lot of Money
The Finnish book - What Do Elephants Think about Finnish People
The German book - A Short Introduction to Elephants, Vol 1-6.
The Icelandic book - Defrosting an Elephant
The Swiss book - Switzerland: The Country Through Which Hannibal Went With His Elephants
The Canadian book - Elephants: A Federal or State Issue?
The Swedish book - How to reduce your taxes with an elephant.
An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. Next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. "Damn", says the ant, "one night of passion and I spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
Tourist guide at zoo: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is the elephant, the largest animal to roam the lands. Every day the elephant eats 3 dozen bunches of bananas, 6 tons of hay, and 2000 pounds of assorted fruits. Madam, please don't stand near the elephant's backside.... Madam, PLEASE don't stand near the elephant's backside ... MADAM ... MADAM ..., too late; George, dig her out.
Getting anything done around here is like mating elephants.
It's done on a very high level.
There's a lot of stomping and screaming involved.
And it takes two years to get any results.
In the jungle there was once this elephant and a snake. They had a bitter rivalry about who was smarter. So the wise owl (who was their arbitrator) set each of them a test. To the elephant he posed the problem of catching or snookering the snake; the snake, on the other hand, had to surprise and astound the elephant.
Next day the snake crept up on the elephant; and within a blink of an eye slithered up the elephant's trunk. The snake wriggled and wriggled up the trunk, into the esophegus, down into the stomach, through the intestines, and a minute later popped out of the elephant's arse, and said 'BOO!'
The elephant, clearly astounded, asked the snake to do it again; this was truly a remarkable feat, and wanted to make sure it wasn't a fluke.
So the snake wiped himself on some grass, and slithered once more up the trunk, slipping and sliding through the elephant's digestive tract.
When the snake emerged a minute later, covered in shit, from the elephant's rectum, the elephant shoved his trunk up his ass and said 'Snookered!'
Two elephants - Harry & Faye
Couldn't kiss with their trunks in the way
So they boarded a plane
They're now kissing in Maine
Cause their trunks got sent to L.A.
The jokes aren't completely bad... oh and by the way i like elephants.
|
|
|
"Don't think it's Mulders"
| | |
Another bad joke time:
This guy is sitting at a bar having a few wobbly-pops and suddenly gets this feeling that he has to go make an urgent call to the potty. So he goes into the bathroom and sees this really short guy taking a piss. He takes the stall next to this short guy, and while taking a piss the guy happens to look over at the little guy and by accident sees his dick. He just can't help saying to the guy "man that is a big dick! I wish that I had a dick that big!"
"Well" says the little guy," I'm leprechaun and I can grant you one wish, and all you have to do is suck on me wang!"
In horror of the thought the man exclaims, "I don't think so you little faggot, even for a dick that size!"
"Fine then" says the leprechaun.
But after a minute of thinking the man says "Alright I'll do it." So the man starts to suck the leprechaun's dick and when he is finished he says "I can't believe that I am going to have a dick that big!"
And the little guy says, "I can't believe you thought I was a leprechaun!"
Yo mama's so fat, at the zoo, the elephants started throwing her peanuts.
Yo mama's so fat, but I fucked her anyway.
Yo mama's so fat, Dr. Martens had to kill 3 cows just to make her a pair of shoes.
Yo mama's so fat, even God couldn't raise her spirits.
Yo mama's so fat, even her shadow has stretch marks.
Yo mama's so fat, even Richard Simmons laughs at her.
Yo mama's so fat, every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil.
Yo mama's so fat, God created her, and on the seventh day he rested.
Yo mama's so fat, her ass has it's own congressman.
Yo mama's so fat, her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a milk dud.
Yo mama's so fat, her belly button doesn't have lint, it has sweaters.
Yo mama's so fat, her belly jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine.
Yo mama's so fat, her belt size is the equator.
Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Ragu.
Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is rocky-road.
Yo mama's so fat, her car is made of spandex.
Yo mama's so fat, her car is made out of spandex.
Yo mama's so fat, her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
Yo mama's so fat, her college graduation picture was an aerial.
Yo mama's so fat, her driver's license says "Picture continued on other side."
Yo mama's so fat, her favorite blouse is a tent.
|
|
|
| Favorite Links
| |
| | | | | |
